All of us have encountered aggressors in our day to day lives. These people are more bothered about collecting power rather than doing good work. And as an observer, if you concentrate on how evil they are, you will end up surrendering to the illusion of their strength that comes from their reputation rather than what they are actually doing. The simplest way to deal with them is to not let your emotion take control and try to look at the person for what they are and not let their reputation cloud your judgement. Understand that these types only want to control your emotions and get a reaction from you, and you can deny them the power by shifting focus from your feelings towards their actions.
Of course, we must all admit, we've all shown some bit of aggressive behaviours at one point or the other, but we all like to think of ourselves as peace-loving people. There are times when people have come to us, asking for help, when our inner superiority wakes up. We let power surge in our heads and may even show anger towards our own family. We feel like a lion in front of the sheep-like people who are asking for help. And there are also times when we force our help on people to get the feeling of superiority. Being unaware of the true nature of our being can lead us down the path of negative aggression.
Where does aggression stem from? Humans are aware of being mortal, unlike other creatures. We are aware that we may lose all the material possessions we have such as positions of power and money. We know we can't read people accurately. We know we can't fully control other's thoughts and actions. We can't depend on them. We deeply desire love, excitement, and stimulation, and most of the time, we cannot satisfy these desires the way we want to. We also have insecurities, that stem from our childhood, which when triggered, can stir up our emotions and make us vulnerable. Basically, humans are always pushed to face feelings of helplessness. This forces us to strive and crave power.
Usually, this need for power is not evil. It's just a natural reaction when we are forced to become aware of our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. For our needs of stimulation and excitement, we take part in various activities such as sports, entertainment, seduction etc. This need for power in work environments can help us to do better work and put time and effort into gaining better positions. It helps us to develop genuine creative powers and to learn how to influence and charm people.
The above-mentioned ways of channelling the need for power is usually bound by certain societal rules and codes. We cannot force people to do our bidding. These codes help us to stay in order and to gain power while staying liked and respected. There are times when we are tempted to go off these safety rails when our hunger for power, money, love, or attention overwhelms us and forces us to lose patience. Let's take an example of a relationship where we may be anxious.
In a relationship, if we anticipate that our partner could potentially end the relationship, our fear of abandonment, which may have stemmed from the coldness of our parents, we would start over-reacting, using all of our manipulative powers, turning aggressive. And thus, the feeling of love turns into hostility and aggression because when we are in love we feel dependent, vulnerable and helpless which can turn into breeding grounds of aggressive behaviours.
If parents are too domineering, they will tend to repress their children's need for power and independence. These children grow up to dominate people through aggressions, even breaking codes to satiate their thirst for power which was kept away from them in their childhood. They turn out to be bullies and tyrannical bosses. Their aggression does not stem from an impulse to hurt people or to take from them but rather from underlying insecurities from their past. They tend to perceive threats that are exaggerated. They have a need to be surrounded by people who will make them feel superior and remind them of their greatness. If they gain political powers, they tend to clamp down on negative publicity and control what people say. They tend to fall into cycles of aggressions where more power results in more enemies, larger empire and greater vulnerabilities, which makes them more aggressive, continuing the feedback loop.
How do you save yourself from aggression? The first step is to stop denying your aggressive tendencies. Accept the shadows, however subtle they may be. Channel the energy into working on yourself and your work. If we don't channel it into improving ourselves, we will end up channelling it into aggressive and passive-aggressive behaviours. It may even be channelled into ourselves where we show anger towards ourselves and turn to self-loathing. Understand that you may not be as gentle and peaceful as you think. Jordan Peterson put it right when he says, " Become an absolute monster and learn how to control it.
Next, observe the smallest details of people. Learn to read people Read in-between the lines. Shift focus from the facade that people are portraying. Concentrate on their actions and non-verbal cues. Aggressive people will call anyone evil if they stand in their way. They have obsessive personalities. They tend to control their environment to make it predictable. If possible, abstain from interacting with such people as they won't refrain from using underhand tactics. If you are left with no choice but to deal with such types, you might have to fight fire with fire.
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